introverted

If you don’t quite know if you’re an introvert or an extrovert, there are tests you can take online. They ask you questions like: “The thought of being around other people makes me feel: (a) Alive! (b) Exhausted.” There should be a third option: Full of dread.

I think COVID has proven to be the ultimate introvert/extrovert test. Did these past two shut-down, tucked-in years make you itchy, restless, desperate to get out? Or did it feel like a release, a relief, a giant exhale? I fall into the second camp. What’s happened out in the world throughout this pandemic has broken me – the grief, the fear, the anger, the suffering. But inside my little four walls, in the company of my little family, I’ve felt quite peaceful.

I envision the world like this: Up high, a playing field, bright green, full of people. They’re busy, bustling, bumping into each other, happy. And then down below, a collection of burrows, each made cozy by candlelight, blankets, movies and books. The people there are happy, too. And maybe they’re connected, these two places, by a series of rope ladders and bridges. We can travel between the two when we need to, but it’s not easy, it’s not always comfortable.

Once upon a time, I was actually pretty outgoing. I’m not sure when that changed, or why. Is it my truest nature that has finally planted its roots in me, or have I just grown exhausted by grown up life? Have my rest and refuel periods just grown longer, extending into one another?

Now that the pandemic is winding down – is it? kind of? – this re-entry into the world feels kind of overwhelming. A 3-hour dinner party with friends takes a full week of mental preparation, and then another week of recovery, tucked away back in my little burrow.

The good news is, the world needs all kinds – the people playing in the sun and the ones curled up by candlelight, too. All good hearts are welcome here.

Love to you. xo