music

I don’t know how to play an instrument, unless you count Hot Cross Buns on the recorder in grade 5 or the 3 months of piano lessons I took when I was a kid. And I know next to nothing about classical music – or music in general, really. But I do know that the violin makes me cry.

The violin sounds like the history of the entire world, compressed into notes, coaxed from strings. Close your eyes and hear love, loss, joy, anguish. Families reunited, friends lost, babies born, hearts broken.

The other day we went to the orchestra and as we sat there, beneath the beautiful, old, vaulted ceiling, the world outside felt far away. But the time passed and the little bubble burst, and there it was again- the whole world waiting with its suffering.

It feels particularly chaotic right now, doesn’t it? Pandemic bleeding into continuing climate crises and now into actual war. People seem very divided, myself included. Usually I can take one side without hating the other, but lately it has felt different and that started to worry me. So I stepped away from social media, because that seems to be a space that nurtures hatred far too well, despite all of our good intentions. And I feel better for it. My heart is not quite so hardened. It aches again, which I think is important.

It all feels sort of surreal – the anger, the struggles, the fear – when you stop and consider how much beauty there is in the world. Look at the clouds, how they settle into the hills. Look at the light, how it filters through your kitchen window. Look at people holding hands, holding space, holding open doors. Look at the millions of tiny, everyday kindnesses. See how lucky we are to live in the middle of such a miracle, with its music and mountains and all of its magic.

So what do we do? How do we live in this place where we’ve landed? This is what feels right to me, for now: Keep a kind and open heart, pay attention to beauty and to suffering and find ways to tip the scales – even just the tiniest bit – in the direction of what is good.

I heard this quote in an interview a few weeks ago and had to stop and listen to it again. It feels timely:

“So many people I know say, ‘I can’t read the paper, it just makes me so crazy. I’m not paying attention anymore because I just have to take care of myself’…. And I totally understand self-care and finding yourself in a place where you just can’t listen anymore. But if you have the ability to check out it’s because you have nothing at stake – you are not running for your life, you are not about to be arrested, you are not about to lose your house, you are not about to lose your job. You are in a position of privilege where you’re able to do that. And so I urge – gently – don’t do that. Just stay engaged. Stay there in the world, don’t leave it. Not because you need to be there, but because other people need you to be there. Just bear witness to the struggles of others.”

Carol Off, on The Current (CBC)

with love…

(Photo: Unsplash)