seasons

There was a time in my life when virtually all I did was think about diapers.

Diapers, and did we have enough of them? And the one currently on, did it need changing? And if it did need changing, was my husband just pretending not to notice? And was there something about them that was causing that rash? And would a Diaper Genie really get rid of that smell? And should we even still be needing them, or should she be potty trained by now? And what if she’s never potty trained? How big do they make diapers, anyway?

I was in line at the grocery store the other day – I am often in line at the grocery store because I refuse to use self-checkouts – and the woman in front of me said to her partner, “Shit, I forgot to get diapers.” Off he ran back into the aisles, and I remembered living that exact moment. It wasn’t deja vu, exactly, more like being dropped into a memory. It made me realize how long it’s been since I thought about diapers at all.

There are seasons to life, and for me, the one that revolves around diapers has passed. Sometimes I wonder what season I’m in now. I think maybe that’s how they work – it’s hard to get a good view when you’re right in the middle of them. They need hindsight to take shape.

with love,

care xo

‘But I think that’s how women see people. Certainly their own children. In the first place, there’s always been nine months of not knowing whether the baby would be a girl or a boy…. And then babies go through one stage after another, and then they are children. When a woman looks at a child she sees all the things he’s been at the same time…. That’s how women see things. Everything in a sort of continuous creative stream – well, isn’t it natural we should?”

Doris Lessing, The Golden Notebook